Sunday, May 26, 2013

My other son is funny too.

Okay, enough about David. I'm sure you want to hear about TJ instead. T.J. is 12, he's a musical genius. He's also very serious about the Bible, so his comedy is not biblical (unlike David). He has a few quirks, though. One of them is this:

Whenever we are preparing to take a long trip by car, the day before we leave, TJ makes a phone call.

He doesn't actually dial anyone, but he does pick up the phone. He then proceeds to have a lengthy, serious conversation with a man called "Dan".

Remember, TJ is TWELVE YEARS OLD. And he's serious about these phone calls. He makes them before EVERY TRIP. It doesn't matter who is listening. Sometimes we're in the room, sometimes we're in another room (usually laughing so hard we have to stuff pillows in our faces). He picks up the phone, and paces around the kitchen while he talks.

The conversation goes something like this:

"Hello, Dan?

Hey man. Yes, I'd like to reserve a seat please.

[slight pause]

I'd like the back seat, driver's side.


Yes. yes. Okay, thanks. That would be great.

7:30 in the morning, yes.


Do you need my credit card number?

Oh, no charge? That's great, thanks.

7:30 tomorrow, thanks."

He then hangs up the phone, writes "reserved" on a piece of paper, and goes to the van and puts it on his seat. He comes in the house, completely serious, like nothing has really happened. Usually he gets a volley of questions from his brother, sister or parents.

David [8]: "Why do you get to sit wherever you want to?"

TJ: "I made a reservation."

David: "Why can't I sit there?"

TJ: "You didn't make a reservation."

Jessie: "TJ, you can't just call and make a reservation and sit wherever you want to."

TJ: "Yes I can, I have a confirmation number."

Jessie: "Who did you call, really?"

TJ: "I called Dan."

David: "Who is Dan?"

Mommy: "Yeah, who do you call, TJ?"

TJ: "I call the Reservation Service and I talk to Dan."

Tim: "Who is Dan?"

TJ [totally straight-faced]: "I don't know much about him really. I'm not his friend on Facebook or anything. Come to think of it, I don't even know his last name. I just call him to make reservations."

Mom: "Why doesn't he charge? How do you pay him."

TJ: "I pay him with leftover snacks from the van."

Mom: "Let me get this straight. You call Dan the Van Man and he gives you a reservation for a seat and all you pay him with is snacks?"

TJ: "Yep. And whatever you do, don't put this on Facebook."

hee hee hee.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

David tells us about King Herod's worms

Once again, David reinterprets the Bible for us during our morning devotions. When should I stop his foolishness? Maybe when he gets older, it won't be so cute?

So, we're reading the story in Acts chapter 12 where Herod is persecuting the church. He has just killed James, put Peter in prison, and now he is about to address the people. David was supposed to narrate the part where Herod gives a great speech, then the people call him a god, he is struck down by an angel, eaten by worms and dies. David says:

D: "Herod does bad things.
He says bad words.
Then the angel struck him down.

Me: "It wasn't earthworms. It was probably worms that eat meat, like maggots."

D: "Oh. What are maggots?"

M: "Fly larvae. Go on. What did Herod say that was bad?"

D: "That he was a king?"

M: "He was a king. But he gave a great speech and the people called him more than a king, and it was bad. What did they call him?"

D: "The Pulp?" [Pope]

M: No.

D: "Oh yeah, they said he was a god. And then the worms came out of the ground with guitars and ate him up."

M: "Yes, they said he was a god and he didn't deny it..... wait, I don't remember anything about guitars."

D: "Did I say guitars? I meant they came up out of the ground holding little knives and forks."

M: Okay. David, what lesson can we learn from this story?"

D: "When people say you are a god, you should tell them you are not a god. Stay away from worms. And don't even let two little flies into your house."

Jessie and TJ are snickering. And once again I think, at least they will always remember Acts chapter 12!